Sternchan's fanfiction

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Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 04 Feb 2010, 08:36

Ok, if anyone is interested in my fanwork you can read the story’s here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1429426/sternchan
There is only one online for now, since I really have some problems to write in English. I do have a Beta-reader, but he is also German so I would be very thankful if somebody volunteers to beta my EH fanfiction. :D I have so many in my head.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby EHfan » 04 Feb 2010, 13:37

Your writing is excellent, but I'd be glad to check out your English usage and idioms.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 04 Feb 2010, 16:08

Very enjoyable...the end surprised me being a dream!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 06 Feb 2010, 04:25

Thank you, I'm happy you liked the story.

@ kygal
Well, everybody has dreams :D even a Genius.

@EHfan
Thank you that would be great. I have another story finished but I'm afraid that it is not understandeble.
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 07 Feb 2010, 07:21

Hey Sternchum...go ahead and post your story here first...we will give you feedback on it. I am sure it is good...your first one was!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 09 Feb 2010, 11:26

Um.... you mean like this:
Just post the text here?




Missing Color


Two month after his wife’s death, Jacob found himself lost in a time he could not name. He did everything he had to, he even gave away the things belonged to his wife. He promised himself after finishing everything life would be easier, but that was a lie. He sat in his new apartment in Washington DC and was discussing his world. Not with a profession psychologist but with the small voice that existed only in his head.
Yesterday he was introduced to Special Agent Brain McKinn. He did not like that guy. And now he sat here, waiting for the sun to rise. But he could not see it rising, because it was raining.

I’m crying.
Why?
That doesn’t matter.
How long have you been crying?
I don’t remember.
Because you are happy?
Maybe.
Because you are sad?
Most likely.

He didn’t know anymore why his soul was still crying. He did all he could, maybe he was happy because he started a new life, but it was most likely that he was sad. New town, new job, new stupid Agent McKinn and no sun. The sky tuned it’s color from black to grey.
‘Better grey than black.’ Jacob thought. But there was still no color in his world. He got up and took his suitcase. Outside his apartment was Agent McKinn waiting.

I’m in pain.
Why?
I am not sure.
Where?
Everywhere
Who’s fault is that?
My life.
What exactly?
The situation.

The Hotel was ugly. Who in the world would paint the walls in grey? Well at least it fitted to his mood. Agent McKinn had the room next to his. Jacob did not know why, but his head was hurting. He hated to have this man around.

I’m trapped.
Where?
In this surrounding
Is it dark?
Yes, very.
Is someone else there?
I’m not sure.
Is it a friend?
A friend or a foe.

4 o’clock in the night. He couldn’t sleep. It was dark. He could hear somebody snoring through the thin wall, but he didn’t know if it was the Agent or just another guest of the hotel.

Do you have foe’s?
I don’t know.
Do you have friend’s?
Yes.
Many?
Enough.
Good friends?
Yes.
Then everything is good.

After finishing the case, that included a near death experience when his car was blown up he definitely knew he had enemies.
But today he was at his sisters place, with his new handler Agent Susi Dorrien. She was pretty but the way she giggled and used to tread him like a school boy annoyed him deeply.
His sister was polite as always but she could see his discomfort when Susi was around. Because it was Christmas, his sister had invited a lot of friends but Jacob felled his world dark and lonely as before there was still no sunshine.

No, I’m crying, it can’t be good.
Who made you cry?
The people who went away when things became difficult.
Who was that?
Friends.
Does that hurt?
Yes, that hurts.
Did they go because you were difficult?
I don’t know. I don’t want to know.

Not all of his friend came for Christmas, although they were invited. Some just turned their backs on him after his wife died. He had seen the compassion in their eyes at the funeral but he never saw them again. Maybe it was partly his fault. He had closed himself away from almost everybody and became sometimes rude when someone tried to take him away from his pain.

I’m being hit.
You have wounds?
In the mirror, no.
Inside?
Yes.
They will heal.
I’m not sure about that.
Why?
They can only heal when the situation is changing.

Only 6 weeks later Agent Dorrien was gone. He had also passed another few Agents after her, working with them only about a few month or so. He did not remember all of their names. There was this man… Mulder… who seemed to believe everything science could not proof. Frank hat talked to him. Asked if he could at least try not piss of the whole FBI . That commend went directly to his soul.

But I will survive.
Soon it will be spring
And life will be easier
I’m looking forward to the new beginning.
The wounds will heal
The cold icy blanket will meld
And I am free in the sun.

He was in a Hotel again, watching the sunrise. The walls of the room where colored in a friendly light blue and there were fresh flowers on the table. He smiled. Color. How he missed it. Then there was a knock on the adjoining door, to the next room and it slowly opened. His handler Special Agent Rachel Young was standing there holding out a coffee to him.
“Good Morning.” She said.
“Good Morning.” He replied taking the coffee. He smiled as she sat down next to him.
‘Yes”, he thought ‘it is a good morning.’ Rachel had told him yesterday that she liked to work with him. And he had to admit that he liked to have her around.
The sun rose and he felled that his life would be joyful again.

The End.
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby EHfan » 10 Feb 2010, 07:10

This is so good. Yes there are a few problems, but they are minor. Trust me, I have adult students who are native English speakers whose writing is not nearly as good as yours. But even with these minor errors, the story is easy to follow, your meaning is always clear.

Send me a private message if you'd like a more detailed critique.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 10 Feb 2010, 16:03

I agree...I did enjoy and understand this!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 14 Feb 2010, 10:59

Uh I am glad you could understand the story. This story I already finished for two weeks. And I am not sure if it is understandable in English. In German we use to pronounce the words “Calvin” the English way and “Kelvin” the German way, but that sounds alike. So I do not know if the story becomes clear. It's not so easy to translate wordplays, so that they still make sence.
Oh yes: I do not own any of this.
And: I’m no scientist, I just know how to use google.


Two Agents and a poor Genius

Dr. Jacob Hood sat in the passenger seat, because his handler Special Agent Rachel Young denied his request on driving. There was another Person in the back of the car. Agent Felix Lee. After they all talked a bit about their last free weekend Felix chuckled.
“You know Doc. I’ve done some research on some physicist.”
“Oh, really, Felix?” Hood asked and turned around to look at the young Agent.
“Yeah.” He said proudly and asked: “Agent Young, do you know the first name of Fahrenheit?”
It took a moment before she answered: “Uhm… 9/11?”
Hood shook his head but Felix busted out laughing: “Oh yes! And the first Name of Volta, you know Volt must be Thousand!”
“No, it’s Allesandro.“ Hood corrected him, but the Agents weren’t listening.
“Sure, like Ampere’s name is Milli.” Rachel said.
“It’s Andre!” Hood tried to argue.
“Yo, and we have Kelvin, you know the temperature scale!”
“I only know Calvin Klein.”, Rachel said and had a hard time not to laugh when she had a short look at Jacob. He was stunned and it seemed like he was praying that it was all joke.
“But I know Morgen…”, Rachel added
“Who? Freeman?”
“Well how about Curie?”
“Curie? Oh yammie, I like curie.”, Felix said.
“Not Curry! Marie Curie!”, Jacob tried to say.
“Watt.”, Felix said.
“I said Marie Cu….” Hood tried but was cut of again.
“Watt the…” Rachel asked.
“Oh you mean James Watt.” Hood realised.
“I do?”
“I really hope you do! Why are you doing this to me?”
“Oh… oh….” Felix almost could do nothing but laugh: “Dalton!”
“Isn’t that a character from Lucky Luke?” Rachel asked
“Stop doing this to me!” Jacob yelled all of the sudden. Rachel pulled the car to the side of the road, because she was afraid she would cause an accident. Both Agents were laughing tears now.
“I…. I am sorry Hood.” Rachel said while trying to catch her breath.
“Yeah, sorry Robin.” Felix laugh.

The End

Fahrenheit, Daniel – thermodynamics
Volta, Allesandro – first battery
Ampere – Andre - potential difference
Lord Kelvin – absolut temperature scale
Morgen - square measure
Curie, Marie – radioactive Element
Watt, James - improvement of steam-engine
Dalton, John – nuclear construction
Robin Hood - oh come on!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 14 Feb 2010, 15:58

LOL...enjoyed this!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby luvinx » 14 Feb 2010, 18:32

Me too! ;)
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby EHfan » 14 Feb 2010, 18:54

I can just hear Rachel and Felix teasing Hood like this. Good story.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby ObsidianJade » 14 Feb 2010, 20:49

Very funny, I enjoyed it!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 23 Feb 2010, 02:26

I am not a good artist and I don’t like to draw. But once every few years I do it anyway. So this is what came out.

http://animexx.onlinewelten.com/fanart/ ... 6/1672526/
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 23 Feb 2010, 05:32

Fantastic! You are a great artist. Can you draw Hood?
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby ObsidianJade » 23 Feb 2010, 06:52

(jaw drops) 'Not good'?? You're amazing!!!! You have a remarkable talent for it!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby æthre » 23 Feb 2010, 18:28

oooo, nice!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 24 Feb 2010, 03:07

Thank you, I’m glad you like the picture. :D
I can try to draw Hood, but as I said, I usually don’t draw a lot. (Sometimes as a birthday present for a friend) I’m always dissatisfied with my drawings, when I compare them to the original. :(
And believe me, it’s not talent. It’s training. I learned how to draw when I was in Norway and my classmates were much better.


(I have a good friend who draws pictures you could never tell the difference between the drawing and the photo. She really has talent! Unfortunately she does not know Eleventh Hour.)
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 24 Feb 2010, 05:44

Stern...you are very talented ! Just kidding about the Hood drawing...but I would love to see it if you give it a try!
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby EHfan » 24 Feb 2010, 09:29

Sternchan wrote: (I have a good friend who draws pictures you could never tell the difference between the drawing and the photo. She really has talent! Unfortunately she does not know Eleventh Hour.)

I call that technical proficency, not talent. What you have is talent! Really, that drawing is amazing.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 25 Feb 2010, 06:23

Ok, while drawing Hood I noticed two things.
First:black hair in front of a black background is not a good thing. I couldn’t tell where the head ended and the background began.
Second: this man wears to much black

While scanning the picture I found out, that my scanner is a bad one. It does not scan all the shadows, that’s why Hood looks more like Michael Jackson and a bit sick. :cry:

http://sternchan.deviantart.com/art/Dr- ... -155356683
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby EHfan » 25 Feb 2010, 13:44

You nailed the cheekbones. I think the problem may be in the lips, they are a bit to narrow. But great detail. You are SUCH an amazing artist.

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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 25 Feb 2010, 14:41

I think the lips wouldn't be that worse, if the other shadows would be visible…. I’ll try to take a photo of it, maybe it’s a bit better than the scan.
But you are right, I had trouble with the lips.
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby kygal » 25 Feb 2010, 15:52

Much better than I could ever do. I agree about the lips. Eyes look good though! I knew who it was.
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Re: Sternchan's fanfiction

Postby Sternchan » 03 Mar 2010, 10:08

Oh, my new story. Usually I don’t write stories with more parts, or if I do the parts are very short. But I had this idea for so long now and I have some time.
So. Enjoy :-)



The Party

Part 1

It was around 7 pm and Rachel Young was in her pyjamas. She had this Saturday of. No work, no Hood. Just her, the television and the pizza she just ordered. But she felt something was missing. She went though the plan for her evening. Pizza, red wine, ice crème, pyjamas… everything was in place but… she just didn’t know. Maybe she missed Hood.
‘Oh don’t go there’ she told herself.
Hood was invited to Franks birthday party. It was a big formula party with a lot if important Agents and people. As far as she had heard from Jacob it was like a prom.
When she heard the doorbell she went to open. Grabbing her purse to pay for her pizza, she looked through the peephole. But there was no pizzaboy.
She opened and looked at Jacob Hood in a very nice suit. Under his arm he had a package, which she assumed was the present for his friend.
“You are not the pizza boy, and that is not my pizza.” She said dryly.
Hood just smiled and went inside without being invited. She was a bit confused, and closed the door.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“Picking you up.” He answered as if they had agreed about that before.
“Picking me up for what?”
“The party.” He answered.
“Hood. I’m not invited and there will be a hell lot of Agents. I think you are perfectly save without me.” She explained. He was ruining her evening.
He blinked. “You are not my bodyguard tonight. You are my date. Look…” he took out his invitation: “… Jacob Hood and Guest.”
Now she was pissed: “Were there no other girls who would loved to go with you?”
She knew women loved him and she hated that fact. To be honest, she really wanted to go to that party with him, but he didn’t ask, and then Felix hat introduced Sandy to him. She was a beautiful woman. Black Hair and green eyes, just like his. In fact she looked a bit like his wife Maggie did. The two of them where getting along quite nicely and while he was on the case he called her a lot. It almost broke Rachel’s heart.
He looked a bit confused: “Like who?”
“Oh, I don’t know, Sandy for example?” she said and had a hard time not do spit out the name. “Sorry Hood I’m not your spare tire.”
He seemed to be hurt. “But, I thought you’d like to go.”
“Well, you thought wrong. That even happens to geniuses. And now, please leave.”
He nodded: “I will, as soon as you get this on.” He gave her the big package. She didn’t take it. “It’s not a bomb, it’s a prom dress and now go and chance. If you don’t I’ll kidnap you and take you in your pyjamas to the party.”
“Oh no you won’t.”
“Yes I will, so it’s up to you.” He waited
She took the package and disappeared in her bathroom.

Jacob was relieved. He had thought this situation over and over again. In some of his thoughts she simply took out her gun and shot him. But he was sure she would not do that, because it was her job to protect him.

Rachel opened the package in the bathroom. Inside was a long silky red dress, with small stones at the top. And he even bought matching shoes. To her surprise the dress and the shoes fitted her perfectly. Then she fixed her hair and make-up. When she looked in the mirror she thought: ‘Oh my god, I am Cinderella.’

Hood wasn’t able to get his mouth shut when he saw her in that dress.
“You do know I have a dress, so this wasn’t necessary?” she asked him.
He shook his head to get himself back into reality. “Oh… äh… yes, but this one is red.” He told her.
“Oh really? I thought it’s blue.” She said sarcastically.
Hood signed. “Please Rachel.” He said and offered her his arm. As much as she tried, she simply couldn’t resist. She could see it in his eyes, he knew he did something wrong.
He led her out of her apartment and down to the street where a black SUV was parked.
“You are not going to drive… are you?”
“No, Frank send me a car.” He answered as he opened the door for her. She wasn’t used to enter a car with a long dress, hell she wasn’t used to wear long dresses at all, so she sat down very carefully.
The show must go on
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